Life Planning Part 2

“Look, if you can indulge in your passion, life will be far more interesting than if you're just working. You'll work harder at it, and you'll know more about it. But first you must go out and educate yourself on whatever it is that you've decided to do - know more about kitesurfing than anyone else. That's where the work comes in. But if you're doing things you're passionate about, that will come naturally.”

- Richard Branson           

Gary Buslik was a successful businessman. Having built a profitable security company that paid him $500, 000 a year; most people would just ride the wave into shore and retirement. Still, Gary had a nagging dream.

As an undergraduate Buslik had studied literature graduating with a degree in English. His parents told him he would never be able to make a living with that degree so he went into business. But, Gary “wasn’t happy.”  After many years as an entrepreneur Gary sold his business and entered a PhD program in English at The University of Illinois at Chicago. Today, living modestly off the proceeds of the sale of his company and small teaching salary, Buslik spends his days as a college lecturer and writer and says “I have never regretted my decision” (Money Magazine, May 2010, p.44).

In essence, Gary Buslik had rediscovered his life calling. A calling that had been delayed because of the seduction of false materialistic happiness. He had found what he loved to do, not what would make him rich. This is one of the hardest things to accept about finding your calling: that it might not make you wealthy. In many cases doing what we love does result in material rewards, but only as a by-product of following our dreams.

I hope like, Gary, you have at least begun to uncover your own personal mission. Sometimes this is a difficult process. As I have mentioned before, the activities that produce flow are indicative of our callings. The joy and gratification of well-suited work help us to know that we are on the right track of finding or living in accordance with our inner passions. These passions that reveal our life’s work are often rooted in our strengths.

Our strengths help us to know what we would excel at and very often are the same things that we love to do in the first place. This seems obvious but we do not always live by what is obvious. Before I explain how we might find our personal strengths it is important to understand the difference between strengths and talents.

It is common to use the two terms, talents or strengths, interchangeably, but there is a subtle difference. According to Martin Seligman (2002) talents are those special abilities that we are born with, and that cannot be improved much. Talents are such things as beauty or perfect pitch. Talents are not a result of effort, but of genetic happenstance. This of course does not make talents any less real or powerful, natural talent in speaking for instance can be a valuable asset (p. 134-6). Still, talents are to a great degree limited to improvement.

Further, talents are not moralistic in nature. Having good pitch or a great singing voice is neither good or bad, it just is. While talents can be used for good or ill, they do not intrinsically posses any moral value. Hence we hear stories of wasted talent with disgust, not because the talent was good or bad in and of its self, but that the individual wasted the application of it. In other words, it is only the application of talent that becomes morally loaded (Ben-Shahar, 2007)

Strengths on the other hand are character traits. These traits such as “love of learning” are learned and enhance able. The idea is that all of us have predispositions to possessing various strengths, but that the realization of these strengths depends on our decision to: 1. Recognize our strengths and 2. Develop them (Seligman, 2002, p. 136-7).

The first part of the task, recognizing our strengths is very important to making sure that our perceived calling and mission are outcrops of them. We must make certain that or zeal for a certain calling is not derailed by our lack of strengths paramount to successfully following it. Thus, as we craft our mission statement we also have to examine them in context of our strengths first, and later our talents.

For example, it does us no good to uncover a perceived calling of being an NBA basketball player if we do not have the strength of self-control through temperance, nor the talent of exceptional athletic ability. While the crux of our life callings lie in the exercise of both our strengths and talents, it is more useful to focus on the strengths because they are malleable.

  Thanks to Martin Seligman we have a simple tool that we can use to help us discover our strengths, as they are not as apparent as or talents. Seligman has developed a psychological survey that helps people discover what areas they should spend time developing. This survey is located at: http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx

You do have to create a user name and password and your info will be compiled for research, but this is the best tool for assessing your strengths out there and it is free. Under the “Engagement Questionnaire” section take the “VIA Survey of Character Strengths.”

            After taking the survey it will show you your top strengths with a brief explanation of each. Read through your strengths carefully and ask yourself if these strengths are inline with the mission and calling that you have been carving out. For example, my number one strength is “love of learning.” This strength is concordant with my mission to “Be a teacher and a learner.” As you read through your strengths adjust your mission statement accordingly and maybe ask a friend to review it to see if you are being true to yourself.

References

Ben-shahar, Tal (2007). Happier: learn the secrets to daily joy and lasting fulfillment. NY, McGraw-Hill.

Money Magazine. May 2010

Seligman, Martin E.P. (2002). Authentic happiness: using the new positive psychology to realize your potential for lasting fulfillment. NY, Free Press. 

Life Planning and Our Calling

In the Japanese culture everyone is expected to have a life purpose, something that drives ones life towards happiness and fulfillment. In Japanese the word that embodies the idea of “life calling” is “ikigai” (ee-ki-guy). “Ikigai” is the thing that wakes you up in the morning, that which gives your life meaning; it is “your reason for being”. The Japanese believe that everyone has an “ikigai” and that it is important to find ones life meaning through careful reflection.

I believe that one of the most important steps toward living a happier life is finding our own personal “life mission.” As I have mentioned previously, when we are engaged in activities that are intrinsically motivated, ie done for their own sake, we experience “flow” and “gratification.” Because flow and gratification are part and parcel of achieving lasting happiness, it follows that our life callings should be something that produces these feelings and states. I for example, experience high levels of flow and gratification when I write, learn, and teach. Thus, some of my possible callings are: to teach, be a writer, a blogger etc. Yet the question of how to arrive at these conclusions is more involved than I am making it out to be. Thus, I suggest, “life planning” as a means to discover and re-discover our callings, aspirations, and dreams.

Life Planning

The two most mortally dangerous times in our lives are near infancy and right after we retire (TED talk: Dan Buettner). It is easy to understand infant mortality, there are many developing countries where nutrition and prenatal care are not available, and there are complications with pregnancy and development, but why is it that at retirement mortality increases? One very real explanation is the loss of purpose. We humans need purpose and many times when we retire we loose a large part of our life’s meaning. James O’Toole (2005) notes that Americans are obsessed with financial planning for retirement, and although this is necessary, as many baby boomers find themselves bored on the golf course or in front of the TV, it is becoming increasingly obvious that “we need to engage in robust life planning”(p. xiii). While O’Toole (2005) especially suggests this type of planning for the middle aged, I suggest it for every age.

While your calling will indeed extend into all areas of your life, by in large the type of work you choose will determine whether or not you live your life’s mission. Like it our not, all of us spend large amounts of time at work. It is the nature of modern society; we have to work to eat. The real trick is whether or not we can do as scholar Hugh Nibley (1989) suggests; eat to work (p.8). In other words, we have to find those things or thing that we do despite: money, fame, or accolades. We have to find what we love to do. Steve Jobs illustrates this point very well. After starting Apple and being fired from his own company, Jobs rebounded to make the company even more successful. In speaking to graduating Stanford seniors he recounts the wisdom he gained from the experience:

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle. (Jobs, Stanford, 2005).

I concur with Jobs. We cannot settle. Interestingly, Jobs makes the connection of finding our passion in work with finding our passion in relationships. My wife Stefanie added to this insight reminding me that we spend enormous amounts of effort to find the “right person” to marry. Yet, we often do not approach our work choices in that way even though a quarter to a half of our waking lives is spent working (Csikszentmihalyi, 1997, p.10).

Thus, to find our callings I suggest taking the Japanese’s lead. We need to ask our selves tough questions and answer those questions through careful self-examination. To find our purpose, life calling, or mission we first have to examine those things that produce flow and gratification. Ask yourself the following questions: What am I doing when I “loose track of time”? When do I feel challenged at work and play? Take a few minutes to write down your responses. Also, it may be valuable to ask a trusted friend or spouse to answer these questions for you, but with out revealing you their answers until after you have written yours.

Next, imagine you did not have to worry about money. What would you do with your life? Considering that you have decided that the pursuit of material hedonism is no way to live, what types of work and activities would you engage in on a daily basis? Again, write these answers down.

Last, we can use a test devised by Aristotle thousands of years ago. It is called the deathbed test. Aristotle used this concept to test the morality of activities, but it can be used to help you and I find our callings. Imagine that it is some time in the distant future, and you find yourself watching your own funeral. As the large group of people grows quiet, you see a speaker preparing to give your eulogy... What would you want them to say about you? What would you want to be remembered for? What would they say of your family life? Your work life? Your spiritual life? As completely as you can respond to these tough questions.

As you begin to answer these questions you might see patterns emerging. You may learn from your deathbed test that your family is so important to you that you need to choose work that allows for time with them. In addition you may realize that you want to be remembered as a caring or wise person. Ask your self how the legacy you want to leave behind can fit with your work life and personal calling.

With a list of both things you want to be remembered for and activities that you find gratification in, you are ready to start crafting your own personal mission statement. A personal mission statement is a short compelling description of your calling; it can be short or long. My own personal mission statement reads: “Be a teacher and a learner. Help others to be better, to live life more fully, and to enjoy life now.” Your mission statement may be longer or shorter, but it should describe your calling in general terms. In organizational settings mission statements help convey what an organization is all about. Part of Coca Cola’s mission statement says, “To refresh the world... To inspire moments of optimism and happiness... To create value and make a difference.” In essence a mission statement tells the reader why an organization or individual exists.

The more time you put into this process, the more you will get out of it. Also, do not worry if it takes several drafts, this is normal. In addition don’t be concerned about this being “set in stone.” My mission statement has changed various times through many iterations, but each one has brought me closer to what really wakes me up in the morning--- my “ikigai”.

References:

Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1997). Finding flow: the psychology of engagement with everyday life. Basic Books.

Jobs, Steve. Stanford University 2005. http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

Ikigai (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ikigai).

Nibley, Hugh (1989). Work We Must, but the Lunch is Free in Approaching Zion. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book. 

Our Calling

            In the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (1993) the young protagonist, Santiago is in search of his life’s calling. In the book the term “personal legend” is used, but it denotes the same meaning as “calling.” While on his journey in search of his calling, Santiago meets King Melchizedek who explains what a personal legend is in these words:

It’s what you have always wanted to accomplish.  Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend. (Coelho, 1993, p. 22)

This passage brings to mind the profound words uttered by Pablo Picasso, “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up” (Pablo Picasso (http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/p/pablo_picasso.html).

            There are several important ideas expressed in these two quotations. First, that all of us have innate talents and strengths (I will discuss the distinction later) and that by following the paths that allow us to use our talents and strengths we can find our calling. In essence I am arguing that our “yearnings” and “clarity” as described in the first quote are manifest in our talents and strengths. Thus, if we can identify those things that we always dreamed of doing and then correspond these with our talents and strengths, we can then uncover our achievable “personal legends.” In this way our talents and strengths are indicators of a deeper and more personal life calling.

            Next is the insight that Picasso provides. Certainly, we all were in one way or another artists. This is not to say that we all wanted to be painters and the like, but that as one of my professors at BYU use to say “we all were creative until the world beat it out of us.” The “mysterious” something that Coelho mentions is the weight and pressure of the world, with its subsequent ephemeral brand of happiness. You see, the “ways of the world” tell us that being an “artist, teacher, entrepreneur, etc” are either “not real jobs where you can make money and be happy” or “too impossible to accomplish.” The forces of hedonism and materialism tell us that we must work and live to get more in order to be happy. When we buy into this worldview we often abandon or never fully discover our life’s callings.

            Hence, Coelho (1992) writes through the character Melchizedek, “People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them” (p. 130). In large part I believe that the fear that keeps us from defining and following our callings resides in two factors: First is our own self-doubt and fear of personal greatness. Along these lines Marianne Williamson (1992) writes:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Second is the unacknowledged reality that we have bought into hedonism’s enticing lie of material happiness. This is often reflected in our choice of profession and way of life. We have to ask ourselves “Why do I live in the way I do? Why do I work where I work?” While some of us work and live the way we do out of necessity, many of us live and work the way we do in order to get more stuff, prestige, or money. In other words we have abandoned our callings or never even tried to uncover them because we are caught on the hedonic treadmill busy getting and getting but never happy.

            But how do we uncover our strengths, talents, and life callings? Does, this mean quitting your job, and taking a year to “find yourself?” No.

             One of the best ways I have found to discover your life’s calling, is though developing a personal strategic life plan. Most successful organizations use a strategic planning process to come up with vision statements, mission statements, and supporting values. This type of process allows organizations to gain clarity on their direction, purpose, and operational principles.

            Similarly, a strategic life plan can help us sort out what kinds of work, life goals, and other activities can contribute to our happiness. First, we have to uncover our personal visions. I use the word “uncover” because I believe that all of us have a calling even if we do not know it. It is part of us; it is a driving force that if lived by will create conditions ripe for satisfaction, fulfillment, and happiness.

References

Coelho, Paulo (1993). The Alchemist. NY, NY: HarperCollins.

Freidman, Stewart (2008). Total Leadership: be a better leader, have a richer life. Boston: Harvard Business Press.

Williamson, Marianne (1992). A Return to Love: reflections on the principles of a course in miracles. Harpercollins.